Strange Meeting

I had been angry with my father for years. I blamed him for my mother's suffering. We hadn't talk to each other since her death, when I forbade him to carry her coffin. My sister mentioned him from time to time, but I pretended not to care about him. One day I discovered that my voice had gone away, that I could just moan. I looked at myself in the mirror only to find a pair of hollow eyes avoiding mine. That day I was informed that he was unwell and had been hospitalized.

Don't ask me why, but the next morning I sat on my chair and visualized myself, flying in a bubble, all the way to the hospital to visit him. I talked to him as if I were really in the room, explaining that I had understood he had done his best, and that I loved him. An hour later I received a text message - Dad's dead.

The years have put words to what happened to me at that moment. You can call it a coincidence, a dream, a release of karma, but i still feel in my heart the blessing of having been able to verbalize my emotions, and understand that my parents' isuues were not mine; I was only the child. I also know that you can only trust what your heart says.

Disciplina vs naturalidad?

Este es un tema que cada tanto vuelve a revolotear en mi mente. Si quiero vivir mejor, saber más, encontrarme en armonía, etc, etc, debo "dejarme ser" o debo tener una disciplina de trabajo? Si algo "no fluye", para qué forzarlo? La constancia, viene aparejada a la sensación de bienestar del momento o del mejoramiento eventual futuro?

Hasta ahora, cuando me he enfocado en alguna actividad, estudio o ejercicio, la constancia de la práctica sin duda dio sus frutos. Pero ahora, si la práctica no es TAN placentera (por ejemplo, en mi caso, definitivamente no es igualmente atractivo tocar música por 30 minutos que hacer transcripciones fonéticas por 5! ), es menester que me fuerce a sentarme y hacerlo?

Como ya mis años ameritan, dejaré la decisión para el momento preciso en que la duda vuelva a surgir, como ahora mismo, en que estoy compartiendo estos pensamientos en este espacio en lugar de enfrascarme en algo más tedioso ...